C.M. HalsteadC.M. Halstead

By C.M. Halstead

You are dying, dying to do something. Empower yourself.

I am disappointed in you, my fellow human beings. I mean really?

Are we such victims that we can’t even hold ourselves accountable to the simplest things?

You cross a solid yellow line while driving, get a ticket, beat it in court…. Somehow. Wait, you are telling me that the rules in place aren’t really in place? If I can convince through debate and argument that your rule isn’t really your rule, then it does not apply to me. Just everyone else.

Empower yourself: “Yes, your honor. I screwed up. I will improve.”


“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

Are we really that weak? That we can’t even admit when we succumb to the most basic of our instincts and habits, that we actually did it. Lets try the power stance instead.

Empower yourself: “I had sexual relations with that woman. I broke the commitment to my wife. It has nothing to do with whether or not I can lead this country. Now, fuck off. Its between me and my wife. It is adultery after all, not treason.”


Yes. Yes we came to what is now known as the continental United States, and pushed out of our way the human beings already living here, moved in and made it ours. Then, told the new owners to fuck off (Jolly Ole England) and slowly took over the place. Every since then, immigrants keep arriving, it is what keeps this country fresh and thriving. Keeps YOU from having to dig ditches if you don’t want to. Unless you are into that kind of thing, then by all means, dig away. Don’t worry, some immigrant will gladly work in that cube farm for you.

Empower yourself: STOP living as a victim!

It is only your fault if you are living where you don’t want to, it is only your fault if you are in a relationship you don’t want to be in, it is only your fault if you are unhappy with my life. It is NOT the fault of the far left, or the far right, or anyone in between. It is not the cops, it is not the government, it is not the person who abused you as a child, it is nobody but you…and your beliefs that keep YOU from being whom YOU want to be. Be. Don’t wait. Be.

Empower yourself: “I will change my life. I am going to (Insert statement here). I am not a victim, even if I once was. I forgive myself for living as a victim, it is not my fault. I didn’t deserve that.”

“You don’t deserve that.”

Fuck people. Really? Do you really believe that the government, your boss, your accountant, your parent (I’m talking to the adults on this one) has your power? Here is the fucker: only if you give it to them.

Instead try this:
“I’m a badass motherfucker. I got this.”

Now look in the mirror and say it. That thing you’ve been to afraid to say to the most important person in your life that influences who you are & who you aren’t: You.

Empower yourself.
Possible videos:

Retrain your mind (taking ownership and working the five second window)

Welcome to the grind (its about the ethos. “How bad do you want it.”)

Rise up/Wake up (Allowing yourself to be great, the grind.)

Life like a King or Queen (facing our demons and taking away our crutches)

By C.M. Halstead

Learn to live life as a champion!

Live life, not as a victim of it, live life as a champion of it.

I love the article in the link below. If I handed it to my wife to read, she would think I wrote it. I didn’t. I relate to the article because it is congruent with the way I live my life, I am in charge of my life, no-one else.

I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of people that after hearing about a life change I was making, said to me, “Wow. I wish I could do that.” If you know me, my voice probably just said in your head, “Then do it.”, if a voice popped up in your head after and gave the reason(s) why you can’t…then this article is for you.

If a voice popped up in your head and said, “Yes!” or “I am doing it!” then put your arms in the air and say “Fuck yeah, I rock!” (The “I rock” part is optional.”

The article is written by Becca Martin; I love the no-punches-pulled aspect of the writing because I am a firm believer in not lying to myself.

Here is the link: You are the reason your life sucks

As always, you are in charge, so it is your choice. Now, later, or never.

Personally, my choice is, Don’t wait to live. Live. Now.

Love you guys,
C.M. Halstead

By C.M. Halstead

Grow As The World Shrinks

Can’t we all just get along? No seriously, can’t we? I mean, the clique phrase from the hippies of the 1960’s does have some value to it.
Is this version of survival of the fittest that we have been living under the guise of actually an outdated piece of evolution? How about the fear-based belief system the movie ‘The Croods’ does a great job providing us an example of showing this to us? The father figure’s fear based, survival driven, lifestyle almost ended the family. If it weren’t for a newer more adaptable type of thought system, they would’ve perished. When do we know when it is time to adapt a new way of being, a new way of thinking?
The world is smaller than it was 50 years ago, 100 years ago, an infinitely smaller than 200 years ago. (If you are into The Tripper Series, you may notice this background theme) In this shrinking of the world, due to the increase in technology, it is possible to share resources and information instantly. It also makes it unnecessary for the world sharing of resources. Sure, those in North America still have to trade for bananas if they want them. But due to technological advances we no longer “need” to go to the middle east for oil, although we still chose to do so!
We have other types of technology that can do the job of the one created 100 years ago, yet we still choose to use this outdated combustion engine due to a fear of change, and a failure to adapt. This inability to grow and change is the leading cause of failure in many of the words elite organizations, including Kodak, the City of Detroit, and any recruit in Marine Corps basic training. Kodak was so engrained in film that they lost the race when the rest of the world switched to digital technology for their day-to-day camera use, Detroit’s auto industry grew into a monster that became so influential they refused to change with the changing world and did themselves in, and any recruit in MCRD who does not adapt their thinking to a do all, take all, mission-first attitude will not grow to be a Marine.
So what is it as a species that prevents us from moving on, and continue living in past belief systems? Is the obesity of America due to the great depression, where food was so scarce that you “must eat everything on your plate because you don’t know where more food will come from”?
I think one of the few smartest adaptions us humans have had in the last 50 years or so was the “Cold War” as it is known in the USA. The USA and Russia had the thought, “Hey we can blow all of you up, and you can blow all of us up, so let us just do our own things and mostly leave each other alone.” This “Cold War” was one of the best uses of technology to date! Instead of killing off thousands of each other in a costly war, we threatened each other a lot and killed off a few spies here and there. Can you imagine if the two “super powers” went at it with all their money, resources, and human lives?
If you look at human history and either side of any conflict, you will see that humans have been killing each other off for survival and competition reasons for as long as we have existed. We have exploited each other and killed each other to survive.
Well, I think instead of just surviving, it is time for us to excel. How about you? Are you ready to step forward from an old way of thinking and into a new one?
Perhaps if we were to work together to build a sustainable country and maybe even world, we could slowly unlearn or adapt our minds to their basic forms, slowly turn the earliest adaptations of our brains (the part some call the reptilian brain) from fight/flight/freeze to excel/grow/adapt.
What? OMG? Did he say that! How dare he… if you are thinking this, which thought process are you using?
Are you ready to work together to build a sustainable country that utilizes all of its internal resources to grow your nation or do you believe you need something that only can be found elsewhere?
Are you prepared to use solar power in the southwest, and hydropower in the Northwest. Instead of having one way of producing energy, have the ones that are sustainable in each area being the primary producers! We are headed that way in some areas. Solar and wind farms are cropping up in the more progressive areas of the U.S.
In other areas of the U.S., they are actually outlawing progressive and sustainable technology! What part of the reptilian brain is active here? Why are they afraid to adapt to a new way of being and thinking and instead forcing others to live a destructive lifestyle. . .how does this make logical sense?
So lets pull this in a little closer to home, from a country level, to a personal level.
How do I as an individual switch my thought processes from survival mode (fight/flight/freeze) to a mode that will allow me to excel? How do I build a sustainable lifestyle for me on my level? Proper diet and exercise instead of sugar and couch? Hanging out with people that build me up instead of tear me down? Do what I love for a living, instead of what I do for money? All three are great examples of things that are self-destructive instead of self-sustaining. It is wired in our old brain to sabotage ourselves for some crazy reason. Just about every human I have ever met (including the one writing this) has some form of self-destructive behavior. It is up to me, the individual to look at myself with no-filter in order to step through this destructive behavior. Although first, I must step through the self-destructive part of denial. The part that keeps me down and doesn’t not allow me to adapt, overcome and excel. That which I truly and utterly deserve.
So it appears that I must first learn to get along with myself before I can learn to get along with others. A great question to ask yourself and others is: What is hurting in you that makes you need to hurt me? A question to be said to anyone who is exhibiting behavior to cause you harm, a thief, a bully, the person in the mirror. Ask the question, you will be surprised at the reaction, especially with the one you look at in the mirror.

By C.M. Halstead

Honor them through fun

There was a time I would get mad about people having fun on Memorial weekend. I resented the fact that they were out having fun! I mean it is the holiday to remember those that have died so that others may live. Why are they out having fun instead of standing in cemeteries crying? Don’t they know?

I think they don’t know, yet they do at the same time.

Let me explain my perspective. The worst thing I can do is stop living because others have died. Especially if others have died with the belief that they did it to protect my way of life. How dishonorable would it be if I “passed away” along with them?

Choosing to die along with those that have, does not serve either of us.

When I was a little boy of single digits in age, I saw the worse thing imaginable.

Travel: At the time I was not aware of how significant two road trips were to my life. The two road trips I am referring to are a move from Plattsburg NY to Anchorage Ak. A great distance. And a return trip four and half years later, Anchorage, AK to Palmyra, NY.

My entire family was contained in a giant dark blue station wagon. The kind that now looks like a land yacht or alien space vehicle. The only part of that entire journey I remember was waking up one day in the middle of a snow field; my mom had lost control of the giant station wagon due to the snowy road conditions and we ended up about 30 yards into a field full of several feet of snow. The vehicles being what they were back then (solid tank like entities), the only damage was to the exhaust system of the station wagon.

I remember my sister and I waiting in a running motorhome while the adults got the station wagon back on the road. In those days, especially in the great white north (snow, not the color of people you snots) many people would stop and help each other out! For some reason, my older brother was in another vehicle for warmth. I hope he was more successful that we were because I remember how frozen my feet felt!

The thing my sister most remembers about that incident is how I got car sick later from the exhaust fumes coming into the vehicle and puked on a sleeping bag. I bet you to this day, if the identical sleeping bags we traveled with were laid out in front of us, she would know which one I had thrown up on. Uncanny ability to identify she has.

Four and a half years later, we made the return journey from Alaska back across Canada to the lower 48, this time in a different station wagon, driven by a different dad.

You see while stationed in Alaska our family experienced what many families experience, tragedy. Lucky me, I got to watch it.

I know you may be thinking that something happened to my biological father, but that is not true. While my older brother and I were out riding near identical bicycles one day, my brother was hit by a contractor looking for a house number. The image of the bicycle and my brother rolling around the rear truck tire is an image I will never forget. It is also one of the oldest memories I have. The trauma having blocked just about ever memory before that.

The death of my seven and a half-year-old brother, my elder by a year and a half, affected me deeply. My parents too, in fact, it is what ended their marriage. I can only image what the loss of a son will do to someone, and I hope I never have to find out.

The death of my older brother, my protector, playmate, and co-conspirator is something  I did experience. I will also never forget how just minutes before I had negotiated with him to switch bikes with me. You see, our bikes, although near identical, were not. His had a cool BMX type seat, and mine was a cheesier banana seat. That was the only difference between the two.

I coveted his so much that I talked him out of it that day, and was smiling with joy and victory when I watched him ride in front of me, per usual, but riding my bike.

The next few memories are contained in a few images. I already told you the first traumatic image. The second is a still picture in my mind of me bursting into the bathroom after running home, and seeing mom and my sister playing with hair curlers, one of her running down the street in a bathrobe and curlers, and finally an image of the driver of the truck sitting on the curb bent over so far his hands were on his back…and that is it.

For a long time,  I died.

Some time ago, some 30 years after the incident, I finally came back to life.

Now, at 44, I am living the life I always wanted. I am doing my brother’s memory justice by living the life that feels congruent to me. The life of a creative, the entrepreneur, the life of someone who has freed themselves from the deaths of the past and is honoring the memories of those that have died by living my life to its fullest. Survivor’s guilt is a mother fucker.

Survivor’s guilt is a mother fucker; I’ve worked through it a few times now. Besides my brother’s death, I’ve moved on from the deaths of friends, fellow Marines, and strangers whose deaths I had the misfortune of witnessing. I have accepted the worst thing I can do is die along with all those people by living in guilt and shame. Not living is a disservice and is dishonoring to those that have passed. Think about it. If you have died and are checking in on an old friend, family member, military buddy, etc. Would you like to see them miserable, lost in a drug habit or deep in depression, or would you rather see them eating a second round of BBQ, playing catch with their son, and smiling?

Don’t wait to live. Live. Now.

I am surprised that this blog ended up being about my brother, not the military personnel I knew that died, or about veteran friends of mine that also deal with survivors guilt. (Or something along those lines.)

Regardless, here’s to an awesome Memorial Weekend full of BBQ’s, fun, and living.

It is worth repeating:

Don’t wait to live. Live. Now.

By C.M. Halstead

Human denial, the underrated Super Hero

What keeps us sane, keeps us moving forward; for me, that is alone-time in nature. Still, I withhold it, withholding our grounding objects is self-sabotage. yet, I know I do it frequently and often! Am I the only one? Doubtful. Can all admit to themselves that this is something they do to themselves? Also doubtful.

This denial is both our best survival tool and our biggest crutch. Denial that something is insurmountable is why some have summitted Everest or endured a cross-country bicycle race while dying of a unsurvivable disease (see an awesome documentary called “The Ataxian”: ).

Denial is also why we stay in abusive relationships longer than is healthy or we don’t leave a job that is crushing our soul.

Do we need to define “we” now? Human beings, that is “we”.

Who here is in denial enough to say they don’t self-sabotage?

For although we can work on ourselves, it is work. Work that can be forgotten allowing us to fall into the old pattern. It is consciousness of that denial quickly, being aware of that shadow of self-sabotage that enables us to stop lying to ourselves and choose to do the opposite.

The more we are aware of our own denial and self-sabotage, the easier it is to see in others, and for some, the less tolerant we become of it.

My wife and I recently had an experience with a landlord, that although they did not fix the electricity for nine months, and then chose to keep our security deposits when we chose to leave, they somehow presented themselves as the victims. “Why did you not fix it?”, “There was an old broom missing from the garage”, “We had to, we could not rent the place because you…(insert random made up comment here)”. Not only are they in denial of their lack of action, we were in denial in our expectation that they would become people of integrity and return our security deposits when we chose to leave after we had given up on them.

Two forms of denial there, ours that they would suddenly step up, and their’s that we were the perpetrators.

The gift in all this to me is we chose to do the right thing by our moral systems and therefore, are in integrity with ourselves. I am in integrity with myself. The question is, are they in integrity with their moral selves, or are they as they appear, angry and victims in their denial.

What does any of this have to do with my alone time in nature?

It is out in nature that my brain gets its time to banter through what is troubling it, what is keeping it up at night. It is where I allow myself the time that I know I need to come to realizations such as the ones above. Yet, I don’t always allow it.

I know that meditating on nights that I lay down to sleep and my brain won’t shut-off helps me to sleep. There is many a night where I just lie there anyway, letting my brain turn circles around itself, instead of taking the action that I know will help. Self-sabotage? Denial? both perhaps….

Am I alone in this? Doubtful. Are you? Who is in denial of their denial and is that a question that can be answered when you look into your eyes in the mirror?

If you can’t look into your eyes in the mirror, that may be your answer.

How about denial “in a good way”? When on an insurmountable self-appointed task, the voice that says “keep going, don’t quit”, when other parts of you are screaming to stop.

When climbing the tallest mountain, enduring the body pain and agony, negative oxygen entering your system enforcing eight breaths=one step, and then taking the next step up anyway.

When an entrepreneur and the world around you sees you as an anomaly, when your being wants to quit the struggle and reenter the workforce and your accountant agrees, and you keep moving forward anyway.

When life as you know it has ended, you are alone in the universe, and that part of you is screaming fuck it, and yet you put a smile on your face and wish everyone a good morning anyway.

Is this also denial?

To me, this is the part of perseverance that keeps us going. The positive part of our bodies ability to deny “the reality of a situation” and keep moving forward. It is how those at war live after throwing themselves on a grenade, how unknown entrepreneurs become legends like Steve Jobs, how children survive lost in the woods for days with no training.

The brain’s ability to survive at all costs, at times, takes denial that the evidence being presented to its reality. Instead, it chooses to live and thrive in spite of what the brain’s active message is telling it, knowing the story is message is b.s. and all is ok. The choice to live and thrive in spite of itself is all that is needed.

How’s that for a closing statement.

Feel free to leave your thoughts and comments below!

By C.M. Halstead

The Broccoli Incident

The woman enters the diner, a predacious manner about her. Scanning the room, she seeks the object of her desire. Not finding anyone to seat her in an instant, she makes a move for a booth.
A waitress exits the kitchen, “Hello!” she greets the woman.
The woman halfway to her chosen booth glances at the waitress and points at it while taking the last few steps and plopping herself down.
The waitress obliges.
“Hello.” The waitress says, handing the woman a menu, “Welcome, can I get you something to drink?”
“Just water.” The woman says, never looking up. She opens the menu and leans into it, scanning robotically she peruses the options, as the waitress saunters away.
A busker comes by and drops off the water; she is unfazed and continues scanning the single flip menu, encased in its protective covering it protests each flip, clinging to her suction cup fingers every time. Insistent in its incessant persistence, Fffft, Fffft, Fffft. Not once is it flipped without the sound, Fffft, Fffft. . .Fffft.
The waitress reappears.
“Are you ready to order?” she asks
“Yes. I’d like to order a side of broccoli, I need a pound and a half of it, so better make it four orders. And it needs to be deep fried, but not too deep fried, only two minutes, you don’t want to overcook it. I also want, what are your steamed veggies today?”
“Carrots, squash and cauliflower.” The waitress says.
“Ok, I’ll take three, no better make it four, orders of that as well. I need a pound and a half of vegetables. But don’t deep fry the carrots, squash and cauliflower.”
“Bring all of it together, make sure it is a pound and a half, I need a pound and a half of vegetables, but don’t overcook the broccoli, deep fry it, but only for two minutes. You don’t want to overcook it.” The woman says. Matter-a-fact and as if she has done this before, she gives her order to a T, knowing it will be carried out.
A few minutes later the waitress walks by, two plates heavy in her hands, one piled high with deep-fried broccoli, the other with steamed vegetables. There has to be about five pounds of cooked vegetables headed the woman’s way!
The woman sits up, leans back and makes room for the waitress to put the heavy plates down in front of her.
“That looks about right.” she says.
“Anything else?” the waitress asks.
A slight nod of the woman’s head. She is already engrossed in her vegetables. She turns her head to look at the piled plate of broccoli from every angle. She repeats the process with the pile of steamed veggies.
Leaning in she takes a big sniff of her treasure, the smell of deep fried broccoli fills the diner, its essence creeps into everywhere, yet she still has to lean in, in order to breathe deep into it. Everyone else’s noses turn up in disgust, the smell of deep fried green turns their stomachs hungry for meat. It is all you can eat rib night after all.
Satisfied, the visual and olfactory inspections over, the woman picks up a fork. Stabbing the broccoli like a determined frogger, the split fork pronging the object of desire as if life depends on it.
Long before the stench leaves the air, the woman has completed her mission, devouring the vegetables on her plate. When the waitress returns to her table exactly two minutes after dropping off the veggies, she is surprised to see them all gone.
“Wow, you were hungry!” Amazed at how quickly this customer consumed one and a half pounds of fiber, the part of waitress’s brain that remembers high school math calculates to itself the average consumption rate and is impressed.
The woman is becoming more and more efficient every day.

You are dying, dying to do something. Empower yourself.
Learn to live life as a champion!
Grow As The World Shrinks
Honor them through fun
Human denial, the underrated Super Hero
The Broccoli Incident